God Dam! This dark pit of woe within this crushing depression;
“For myself, the pain is closely connected to drowning or suffocation-but even these images are of the mark. The pain persisted during my museum tour and reached a crescendo in the next few hours when, back at the hotel, I feel onto the bed and lay gazing at the ceiling, nearly immobilized and in a trance of supreme discomfort. Rational thought was usually absent from my mind at such times, hence trance.” (Styron, 1990).
Again, William Styron’s words ring notes of identification as he describes his experience of depression, and I’m awed by his ability to paint such poignant pictures of the human condition. Who can forget the amazing scene from the movie “Sophie’s Choice,” as Meryl Streep is forced to choose between her son and her daughter, as to which one will face the gas chamber outside those gates of hell at Auschwitz concentration camp. How does any woman make such a choice or any Fascist Intellectual so loose connection with humanities heart, its soul, and force it upon her? Dissociation, the Devil’s own device perhaps?
Could she ever really say how she felt in that awful moment, could she ever consciously acknowledge the instant of that action. That awful reality of, “Take my little girl - take my baby - take my little girl.” Perhaps nature has a way of saving us from such awful realization, removes the reality of searing pain by the minds conscious distance from the felt sense. By degrees of dissociation? The Devils own device, or the reality of our unconscious nature? Is our conscious awareness founded on a hidden mechanism of dissociation, of denial?