Objects are My Wants - My Needs are Metabolic

I want, I want - Yet What Do I Need?

An Object of My Desire? Yet is there a deeper Need it Satisfy's within me?  Is the external world of Objects a true reflection of Internal stimulation and the true nature of my Desire's? The great observations of the past century like Maslow's hierarchy of needs are being explored in their deeper reality nowadays by neuroscientist's like Stephen Porges and "The Polyvagal Theory" So how does a triune brain and nervous system stimulate our needs & desires within the hidden reality of our internal world?


These new ideas of a triune nervous system are revealing an inner reality beneath our object oriented and projected observations. The Polyvagal Theory has revealed the neural innervation of a 'social engagement system' based on the muscles & nerves of the head and face, suggesting a third branch of the autonomic nervous system. It seems we are hard wired for social engagement and indeed our very sense of a humanness is dependent on unconscious 'feedback' from other brains & nervous systems, creating what neuroscience now calls 'affective states.'

When Sasiprapha Smiles

This was a fumbling first draft attempt to describe what I have learned about the term neurologists call 'affective states,' how our brain/nervous system matures and functions through interpersonal relations. It is written as a dyadic, 2 person relationship to describe how we affect each other, and reflects my need to understand my own bipolar affective disorder, writing continues to help me integrate my reading & experience.

‘Why do you read this book so much?’ Sasi asks me.
‘Because it’s very good - fantastic food for thought.'

‘I like the smiling mother and baby on the cover,’ She tells me, ‘but the title, “Affect Regulation and the Origin of the Self - The Neurobiology of Emotional Development,” by Allan N Schore,’ she adds, shaking her head and wrinkling her nose.

‘It’s about how you maintain your organism, darling.’
‘Really!’ Raised eyebrows and a twinkle in her eye, underline her very playful nature and why I am so besotted with her.

‘No sweetheart, your organism, not your orgasm,’ I say laughing.
‘Boring!’
‘Perhaps those smiling faces remind me of you darling’ I tell her.

Bipolar - Family & the Gen Affect

My four sons, my parents & me

‘I’ll have you scheduled myself, this time!’ He said while stabbing his extended forefinger close to my face.
"Jesus! This is harsh," I thought, accompanied by a flashback memory of holding his hand when he was seven years old.

Watching his upper lip turn up in an involuntary snarl the memory played on in slow motion rewind, I was pointing up to a star filled milky way trying to impress a sense of wonder upon my first born child, and here twenty two years later he was forcefully impressing such harsh intent upon his father, for my own good of coarse?


It wasn't the words that cut me to the bone, no! It was the intonation in his voice, the stabbing finger and the blood flushed skin tones, the very incarnation of my own raging volcano father, so much so that in this particular moment the generational divide was collapsed and my son was my father. Murry Bowen's concept of a generational transmission of emotionality had been perfectly captured in this moment, just like the familiar scene of a woman scolding her child and noticing how she'd suddenly become just like her mother.

Calming Your Bipolar Symptoms

You Can Learn to Sooth Bipolar Symptom Expression?

Improve Your Self Soothing & Self Attachment Needs?

Let Go the Distancing of Mind & Feel Your Inner Self?

Your Brain, Heart, Lungs & Nervous Systems?

'Enough, with the theories, give us some practical applications,' wrote a facebook friend.

So this post is the first of a series describing how I use the insights gained from the last five years of reading, to carry on a daily re-conditioning of my autonomic (animal) nervous system. I chose the picture of a baby to convey my belief, that my Bipolar Disorder is in fact a dis-order of autonomic nervous system function, caused primarily by birth trauma.

We Know Not What We Do?

Michelangelo: Crucifixion 

Father forgive them, for they know not what they do

Today you will be with me in Paradise.

Behold your Son; Behold your Mother.

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

The Sayings of Jesus on the cross?

Is science uncovering the true meaning behind this famous quote; "Foregive them father, for they know not what they do." Has Stephen Porges uncovered the biology underpinning Jesus famous observation of average human perception, and is our famous objective reasoning still more instinctively reactive than intelligently reflective?

Just how self aware are we, and is there a difference between our notion of self awareness and insight?

The Bi in Bi-Polar Disorder?

Fight or Flight?

The Bi in Bi-Polar Disorder?

A Bi-Ordered Fight/Flight & Withdraw Cycle?

Is The Autonomic Nervous System the Seat of Bipolar?

With Primitive Twin not Triune System Activity?

Of Ancient Sympathetic - Parasympathetic Reactivity?

Is Trauma Type Activity at the Heart of the Beast Within?

Are the classic Bipolar cycles of embracing or avoiding life, mediated by the autonomic nervous system with the counteracting activity of its twin sympathetic & parasympathetic branches?  In evolutionary terms is depression a withdrawal from engagement stimulated by a predominance of parasympathetic nervous system activity, mediated by the dorsal vagal complex (DVC) of the massive Vagus Nerve. While manic excitement is stimulated by a predominance of sympathetic nervous system activity (SNS) & are these bi-phasic cycle’s an unconscious, response to a neuroception of danger?

Neuroception and Mental Health Disorders?

Ideally, a baby’s neuroception of her environment shows her a safe place to explore. But even if her perception warns her accurately of danger from a “frightened or frightening” caregiver, the baby can take some defensive measures, even though they are likely to be ineffective and are almost certain to be psychologically costly.

What happens when neuroception itself is impaired? From a theoretical perspective, faulty neuroception—that is, an inability to detect accurately whether the environment is safe or another person is trustworthy—might lie at the root of several psychiatric disorders:


• Areas in the temporal cortex that are assumed to inhibit fight, flight, or freeze reactions are not activated in people with autism or schizophrenia, who have difficulty with social engagement.
• Individuals with anxiety disorders and depression have compromised social behavior; difficulties in regulating the heart rate, as reflected in measures of vagal control of the heart; and reduced facial expressiveness.
• Maltreated and institutionalized children with Reactive Attachment Disorder tend to be either inhibited (emotionally withdrawn and unresponsive) or uninhibited (indiscriminate in their attachment behavior; Zeanah, 2000). Both types of behavior suggest faulty neuroception of the risk in the environment.

Recent research on children raised in Romanian orphanages has stimulated interest in Reactive Attachment Disorders and in finding ways to remediate the devastating disturbances in their social development. If the behavior of these children suggests faulty neuroception of risk in the environment, are there features in the environment that might help the children feel safer and then
begin to move toward more normal social behavior?

Taken from Stephen Porges "The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation"

For more on Neuroception see:
http://www.lifespanlearn.org/documents/Porges-Neuroception.pdf

The Affect in Bipolar Affective Disorder?

Bipolar Affective Disorder is a Disorder of Affect-Emotion?

What exactly does Neuroscience mean by Affective States?

Are Symptoms of Schizophrenia, PTSD & BPD so Different?

Is Affect the Root of all Emotional-Affective Disorders?

Are Nine Innate Affects where Instinct meets Emotion?

Put sufferers of Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, Borderline Personality Disorder & PTSD in a room together to talk about symptom’s or labels, as some prefer to call that love of categorization within the world of academia. Put all these fellow sufferers of mental - emotional anguish together and you tend to get what sounds a lot like a commonality of phenomena.

‘That’s because such people are hypochondriacs,’ you might be thinking?

False Objects in an Emotional Economy

Talk Doesn’t Pay, So Psychiatry Turns Instead to Drug Therapy

I had to train myself not to get too interested in their problems, and not to get sidetracked trying to be a semi-therapist.” DR. DONALD LEVIN, a psychiatrist whose practice no longer includes talk therapy. New York Times:
By GARDINER HARRIS
Published: March 5, 2011

Like many of the nation’s 48,000 psychiatrists, Dr. Levin, in large part because of changes in how much insurance will pay, no longer provides talk therapy, the form of psychiatry popularized by Sigmund Freud that dominated the profession for decades. Instead, he prescribes medication, usually after a brief consultation with each patient. 

Dr. Levin said that the quality of treatment he offers was poorer than when he was younger. For instance, he was trained to adopt an unhurried analytic calm during treatment sessions. “But my office is like a bus station now,” he said. “How can I have an analytic calm?”

And years ago, he often saw patients 10 or more times before arriving at a diagnosis. Now, he makes that decision in the first 45-minute visit. “You have to have a diagnosis to get paid,” he said with a shrug. “I play the game.”

A Unique Bipolar Awareness

I had my 1st experience of mania in Feb 1980, 31 yrs later this page is reflects my need to learn all that I could about my disorder, in a concerted effort to increase my self respect & self reliance, after too long experiencing insidious shame & feelings of helplessness.

Over the coarse of a decade of training and reading dozens of books, I have found my way to the science of human development, which is allowing me a clearer sense of myself beyond a preoccupation with managing disease.




Thanks to life circumstances which allowed the time and space to dedicate myself to seeking out new knowledge, I have been fortunate to find relief from symptomatic experience & the self respect I craved. 

Like all growth experience's the journey to this new phase of my life has taken time, with reading & experience improving at a pace over the last 5 years in particular. Then in January 2010 I was able to afford myself the luxury of immersing myself in un-distracted full time education, without concern for employment or responsibility to others, a period of time that has been critical in my self awareness process. 

A process that has gained pace since 2005 after 25 yrs of experiencing bipolar disorder, mostly off med's due to chronic issues with side effects, and with a growing exasperation at the lack of root cause information from mainstream medical science, which deals overwhelmingly with the management of bipolar affective disorder as a disease.

Neuroception? - An Unconscious Perception?

NEUROCEPTION: A Subconscious System for Detecting Threats and Safety STEPHEN W. PORGES University of Illinois at Chicago

Faulty neuroception might lie at the root of several psychiatric disorders.

At a glance:
• Neuroception describes how neural circuits distinguish whether situations or people are safe, dangerous, or life threatening.
• Neuroception explains why a baby coos at a caregiver but cries at a stranger, or why a toddler enjoys a parent’s embrace but views a hug from a stranger as an assault.
• The Polyvagal Theory describes three developmental stages of a mammal’s autonomic nervous system:
Immobilization, mobilization, and social communication or social engagement.
• Faulty neuroception might lie at the root of several psychiatric disorders, including autism, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders, depression, and Reactive Attachment Disorder.

Living with Bipolar Affective Disorder Off Med's

It is beyond the scope of this Blog to list all methods used by people choosing to deal with Bipolar Disorder without the aid of synthesized psychotropic medications, however I can provide links to some of the best resource sites on the web.

From: Beyond Med's

Whether you want to completely withdraw from meds or simply wish to minimize what you take, the first thing I will refer you to is a paper written by Joanna Moncrieff. It refers mostly to withdrawal from neuroleptics, but much can be inferred about most psychiatric medication.This paper may induce fear in those hoping to withdraw from drugs, but I think it important that people understand that there are, indeed, real dangers and risks associated with drug withdrawal–most notably in precipitous withdrawal or withdrawal without appropriate supports.

There is a warning on the risks of psych med withdrawal here. That was written a while ago and I’ve not edited it. It speaks of my being on meds still. I’ve actually completed my withdrawal and am slowly getting better.

Living with Bipolar Affective Disorder On Med's

It is beyond the scope of this Blog to list all medications used in the treatment of Bipolar Disorder, however I have provided links to some of the best resource sites on the web.

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From: Bipolar.About.com
Medications A-Z Bipolar Medications Library:
Links to information on some of the most commonly prescribed medications used in the treatment of bipolar disorder. Drug therapy is an important component of treatment for manic depression, and it is important to educate yourself about your meds.
If your medication does not have an individual listing, you may still be able to find its side effects in our Side Effects Library

And - Medications for Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar Affective Disorder Education

This page is guided by my need for self education and learning all that I can about my affective disorder, in a concerted effort to increase my self respect & self reliance, after experiences of shame & feelings of helplessness. Over the coarse of a decade of training and reading dozens of books, I found my way to the science of human development, which has allowed me a clearer sense of myself beyond a focus on managing disease. Slowly yet surely I found my way from author to author, sifting through the great and often confusing, information overload.

Where I'm coming from:
After 25 yrs of experiencing bipolar disorder, mostly off med's due to chronic issues with side effects, and with a growing exasperation at the lack of root cause information from mainstream medical science, which deals overwhelmingly with the management of bipolar affective disorder as a disease.

TRAUMA Exit & The Tiger Trapped Within

TRAUMA & The Tiger Trapped Within How it may Manifest in Bipolar Disorder How Mania may be a Trauma Exit? Our Undischarged & Trapped Survival Energies  On Not! Resisting My Animal Nervous System

          'What?' You so rightly ask.


I know, at first glance it appears to be a bizarre statement, 'A tiger trapped within? - What's this guy been smoking?' You may be thinking.

It takes a momentary suspension of our normal objective reasoning, to imagine the nervous, motivational system which mediates much of our everyday social behavior, as the same evolved system that we share with other mammals. Perhaps it also requires a slight suspension of human hubris and our pretension of superiority, to imagine ourselves as just another animal, even though we are unlike any other animal in terms of intellect.