Tuesday, June 14, 2011

bipolar anger

Bipolar Anger & Moods

Bipolar Anger & Its Muscular Stimulation?

Anger was about Movement before the Mind Evolved?

Anger is Stimulated by Muscular Feedback Signals?

Anger is a Survival Instinct - Rage its most Intense Form?

To Control Anger - Feel the Instinct Stimulating the Mind?

Moods Muscular Actions Affected by Dissociated Mind?

I went for my usual walk yesterday in the early evening, thoughts swirling about people on facebook who's philosophy I disagree with. I felt a familiar tone of combative confrontation in my thinking, as scenario’s of face to face conversations filled my mind. This is an old habit of mine stemming from childhood and emotional identification with my father. Even after several kilometers and close to an hour into my walking, the same anger toned thoughts of confrontation filled my mind.

The Synaptic Gap
Suddenly as I was crossing a major intersection and dodging traffic, a scene from the previous night sprang to mind. I'd been walking across a traffic bridge on the way to my girlfriends shop, when in an epiphany moment of 'mood was movement' jumped some of those synaptic gaps within my brain.

With this insight of mind my autonomic nervous system shifted my experience with a sudden muscle relaxation and a grounded feeling of perfect presence in that moment.
"Innate Anger as muscular tension, is stimulating my thoughts and mood" came into my mind now as I carried on across the intersection and again my muscular system relaxed and grounded my experience. Muscular tensions fire the mind? - That can't be right? Can It?

"The motor act is the cradle of the mind - The capacity to anticipate and predict movement, is the basis of what consciousness is all about" __Charles Sherington

"We are exquisitely social creatures. Our survival depends on understanding the actions, intentions and emotions of others. Mirror neurons allow us to grasp the minds of others not through conceptual reasoning but through direct simulation. By feeling - not by thinking" _Giacomo Rizzolatti

I've read the above quotations dozens of times over the last year or so and I guess they had not resonated within me, although I gave intellectual lip service to there validity. I have pasted them into many recent articles here on this blog, yet did not really feel there meaning until two nights ago. While walking across that traffic bridge, musing over how to write new perspectives from neuroscience, for whatever reason the often sighted words gelled together into a new sensation. I felt the reality of these two quotes rise up from the pit of my stomach, as if gut instinct had suddenly connected up with my brain, in a epiphany moment of "ah! I get it."

I guess I have been working towards this for many months now, with a daily routine of deep breath relaxation with facial and chest muscle relaxation helping me to let go of manic excitement, without any kind of self medication. Slowly but surely I have been letting go of the habitual dissociation of my over intellectualized head. Shifting the locus of my sense of being from too much living through the mind, towards a fuller sense of body and mind felt awareness.

The angry combative thoughts rose again today in the same circumstances, as I walked my usual circuit. I caught myself sooner this time though with a, "why do I have this tone in my thoughts." Feeling my muscular tensions I realized that I'd triggered this old habit by tensing my body to focus on writing. In habitual hyper-vigilant style I tend to distress myself in order to maintain a high level of concentration. Realizing how I'd created my state of mind through unconscious muscular tensions, the relief was equally spontaneous as I grounded in the moment again.

My feet became more connected with the footpath beneath me, and my whole body became more relaxed, more rhythmic as I felt each foot fall touch the ground. This relaxed and alert feeling has only come in sporadic and occasional moments in the past, and now it came with a sense of control. I tested this notion by triggering excitement about theories and concepts, straining the muscles around my eyes and in my jaw for concentration. Sure enough what had been an unconscious pattern for decades brought me into my mind way too much, as I lost my sense of body motion. In my worst periods of mental anguish with bipolar, this very same mechanism gave me those awful de-realization or de-personalization feelings which psychiatrists call symptoms.

The Muscular Pre-Tensions of Mental Anguish?

I know its not easy to accept this notion of muscular tensions as the real source of our mental anguish? Please try relaxing the muscles of your face, your tongue, the tensions of the jaw & around the eyes and be aware of spontaneous shifts in the depth of your breathe. As your focus turns to awareness of body sensations, the grip of dissociation should ease within the mind and as the muscular system relaxes, the minds activity will follow? This is how I manage the excitement phase of coming up and out of myself, away from habitual withdrawal, that judgmental doctors like to call mania or a symptom.

Fear Filled Mental Anguish
Catch the Gap & Feel Your Mind
Unconscious Reactivity & the Pre-Tense of Intelligence?
Calming Your Bipolar Symptoms
Neuroception? An Unconscious Perception?