Sunday, August 14, 2011

Sunday Service - Not Same, Same?

Sunday morning here in Thailand, and we go to the local Temple to give alms and pray to Lord Buddha.

'Same, same, you country?' I remember being asked on the first of our ritual visits.

'Yah! Sunday morning, same, same,' I replied in a that Germanic toned Thai-English accent, which underscores our personal language/culture barrier.

Looking at the photo and recalling this morning's visit begs a thought? "Is this Sunday service ritual same, same everywhere?"

Of coarse a first glance reaction is, "Looks nothing like any Christian Church service I remember."

Every Sunday morning my girlfriend and I make the trip to a local Buddhist Temple and I sit watching Thai people, and a handful of farang's (foreigners) give alms and donations for the poor. I watch people be blessed by a monk and pray to Lord Buddha for luck in the eternal fight against karmic forces. Less formal than a Christian Sunday service, people wonder in and out of the main Temple building, taking whatever time they wish to perform any number of traditional rituals.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

St George & The Dragon - Spiritual or Psychotic Experience?

I was nervous of coarse as I waited for my turn, the young singer song writer was in session at the moment. We’d talked about being courteous and cooperative in front of the Judge, about playing the norm’s game.
‘Yeah but that lawyer of mine is a bitch man! - She’s in on it with my parents and that fucking witch doctor psychiatrist.’

Like many creative people he could throw a temper tantrum like a hurt two year old, when challenged by the emotional dynamics of relating. Left alone to his own unfathomable process though he could join words together like a magician, a real witch doctor. Another beguiling poem or a beautiful love song.

‘People don’t understand man! - They just want us to be normal, square fucking pegs in square fucking holes.’ Jason had complained loud and often over the last two days.

Monday, August 8, 2011

bipolar disorder suicide ideation

I'd been thinking about using a rope, when the aftermath scene of who would find my body came to mind.
"Would it be the Princess or the cleaning lady?"
"I can't do it here!" I told myself. Then I started thinking about doing it somewhere I couldn't be identified, no documents found with the body. I thought about taking a trip up country, to the other end of Thailand, thinking if I found a rural area with limited police resources, maybe they'd just cremate the body and forget about it?

"Be better for the Princess and my boys back in Australia," I thought, "I'd just be missing."

Friday, August 5, 2011

BIPOLAR- Swings & Roundabouts?

Whereabouts am I today? - Is the answer in my posture?
The swings & roundabouts of life have particular significance for us bipolar's. The merry go round of mood swings making hopeful progress difficult to gauge on any particular day. HOPE seems to be an ingredient of wellness, as vital as oxygen, water & food? Hope for a future free from torturous mood swings being a particular concern for us swingers. Whereabouts am I today? Is an all to frequent question of self doubt, when our judgement has a history of being affected by body state moods?

Thursday, August 4, 2011

How I do Dissociation?

Prince Siddhartha Gautama (Buddha) - Prince of Self Awareness
How I do Dissociation? Its a bold title I know, with an implicit promise that I can tell you exactly how I do dissociation.

Of coarse I can only say how I think I do dissociation and try to articulate the reality of my self awareness.

Yesterday I posted a article entitled "How do YOU do Dissociation?" I started with a statement about an emotionally painful incident and how I been unable to recall it without a sense of numbness so typical of dissociation.

The very next line "What exactly is Dissociation," is typical of how I do dissociation by using intellectualism - the distancing from core emotions with emotionless thoughts and words.

The picture above is my favorite Buddha pose, the closed eyes and tension free facial expression resonate deeply with me. To me it's an expression that represents the epitome of calm self awareness, of being completely comfortable inside your own skin. Once a week I accompany my girlfriend to the local Buddhist Temple and watch her perform rituals of selfless giving and prayer. Often I sit gazing at the giant gold Buddha statue and imagine him sat at the entrance to that ancient Greek dudes cave.
The Oracle's cave with its timeless advice engraved above, "Know Thy Self"

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

How do YOU do Dissociation?

Wow! Where did I just go?
Its been almost ten months since a particularly brutal experience of rejection with my oldest son. I remember walking around for hours draining the energies of anger and rage the encounter stimulated. I did my best to avoid amplifying those negative emotions by not replaying the episode in my mind. A few months later though when I tried to recall details and write about the family dynamics involved, a foggy sensation filled my mind as numbness overcame my senses. Only in the last week have I been able to face the memories with any clarity of mind and emotional recollection of that day.

What exactly is Dissociation?